My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize