So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
