Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
