She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i now understand why vodka
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
