...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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