not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
