the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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