i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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