I CAN MOONWALK!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
