Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
