Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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