Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
