Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
