I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
