People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
God I need to hump something, right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
