i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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