i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
