I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
