so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
