He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
