I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
