I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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