just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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