he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
