also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
