Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
