booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
