He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
