We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
