Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
