he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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