Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
