Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
