NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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