Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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