Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
