did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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