I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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