It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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