Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
