whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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