I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
