Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
