Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
