You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
