i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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