my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
