what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
