peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This toilet bowl is my home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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