soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
