he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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