Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
