I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
