For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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