yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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