By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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