Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
