Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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