We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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