So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
