He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize