His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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