i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize