ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
