At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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