you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
