I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
